dont bother the dog .....

[Barny]

don't bother the dog lest he leaves you with a little reminder of what you fed him last night plus some, how they defecate more than you've fed them is one of the 7 wonders of mankind, and don't get me on to flies, they can look for all intents and purposes to be inside, and you do what you can to get rid of them only to find out they're sunning themselves with their back to the glass outside and you're left with small dirty windows as a results of using an old and dirty wettex.

Most nags run into a headwind at some time or other when they're on the up, unless they're champions like Black Caviar. You could lay a horse with a high Win S/R in Group 2 and Group 1 races and end up with a handsome profit.

[Rinconpaul]

I'm laughing so much, I'm crying!!! The Mrs had to pause the TV to work out what was going on, priceless......lol
RP

[Barny]

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Australia. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. His arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates.

[Rinconpaul]

Again Barny, you've got me a beauty....lol...lol

[Barny]

Glad you're enjoying them but I cannot take credit for the most recent one. :)

[SpeedyBen]

I'ad the money in me 'and! Fair dinkum! Right there, by the stand. I tole me wife at breakfus' time, Straight out: "Trivalve," I sez "is prime. Trivalve," I sez. An', all the week, I swear ther's no one 'eard me speak Another 'orse's name. Why, look, I 'ad the oil straight from a Book On Sund'y at me cousin's place When we was torkin' of the race. "Trivalve," 'e sez. "'Is chance is grand." I 'ad the money in me 'and! Fair in me 'and I 'ad the dough! An' then a man 'as got to go -- Wot? Tough? Look, if I 'adn't met Jim Smith (I ain't forgave 'im yet) 'E takes an' grabs me be the coat. "Trivalve?" 'e sez. "Ar, turn it up! 'Ow could 'e win a flamin'Cup?" Of course, I thort 'e muster knoo. 'Im livin' near a trainer, too. Right 'ere, like that, fair in me fist I 'ad the notes! An' then I missed -- Missed like a mug fair on the knock Becos 'is maggin' done me block. "That airy goat?" 'e sez. "E's **********!" Fair knocked me back, 'e did. An' look, I 'ad the money in me 'and! Fair in me paw! An', un'erstand, Sixes at least I coulder got -- Thirty to five, an' made a pot. Today I mighter been reel rich -- Rollin' in dough! Instid o' which, 'Ere's me - Aw! Don't it beat the band? I 'AD THE MONEY IN ME 'AND! Put me clean off, that's wot 'e did ... Say, could yeh len' us 'arf a quid? </pre> "Den"
Herald, 2 November 1927


Poem by C.J Dennis

[Barny]

That is seriously good stuff Speedy Ben, 1927 eh, you can just smell it can't you. Bril !!!!!!!!!

[SpeedyBen]

It seems those Aussie poets from that era had a good understanding of the punt. Banjo P was another racing man.
The word that got rejected in the poem was "corok', if you know what I mean.

[Rinconpaul]

1. Get a job
2. Understand, I don't like you
3. I'm everywhere
4. You hurt her, I hurt you
5. Be home 30 mins early
6. Get a lawyer
7. If you lie to me, I'll find you
8. She's my princess, not your conquest
9. I don't mind going back to jail
10. Whatever you do to her, I'll do to you

[Lord Greystoke]

11. Hitting yourself over the head with a hammer would be easier(and less painful)
12. If she comes back upset, I will turn you into my DIY project
13. My middle names are Bruce and Banner


LG

[Barny]

I've got some good news and some bad news for you, young man, about the shotgun I own. The good news for you is, I'm a really bad shot. The bad news for you is, I've got a sh!t load of ammo!!

I promise you I used this one .....

..... and number 10 from RP is a favourite in my area, country Vic.

[Rinconpaul]

I thought this might bring you out of hiding Barny, haven't laughed so much since your last " married women" post. Put it on my facebook page, got lot's of thumbs up from the blokes. can't work out why I got nothing from the girls? Getting too serious around here, ....lol
RP

[Barny]

can't work out why I got nothing from the girls? To answer you succinctly ... you're a bloke. They don't want to encourage the truth getting out there for fear of an uprising from us blokes (not that we're smart enough or brave enough to do anything about it, or for that matter even identify what it is we're supposed to be upset at !!!). They're working behind the scenes to bring on board women from all other cultures to follow the example set out in the sad scenario I posted. It's not the North Koreans, fanatical religious followers (who BTW are putting a light hearted spin on things as suicide bombers by asking someone to pull their finger just before detonation), cults, fanatical political followers ............... it's women we need to be afraid of !!! And I own a couple of them, one @ 19 years of age and one @ 16 years of age. So the only reason your female partner would object to this post is that they're trying to keep a lid on things ..... If the mods ban this post then you can assume ProPun has been infiltrated !!!!!!!!!!

Waiter brought my dessert to the table and I complained that he had his thumb in my ice cream ... "Yup, the doctor said I've got an infection and I need to keep it cold !!" ;)

[Lord Greystoke]

............... it's women we need to be afraid of !!! And I own a couple of them, one @ 19 years of age and one @ 16 years of age. Cripes Barny, you are way behind me son.. here's me thinking you are a craggy old politically incorrect b (did I at least get the last bit right??)

LG

[Barny]

Cripes Barny, you are way behind me son.. here's me thinking you are a craggy old politically incorrect b (did I at least get the last bit right??)

LG
Can you use these letters LG ?? a-s-t-a-r-d ;)

[Barny]

The simplest and best meal ever !!!!! Cook half a packet of dry spaghetti, nearly al dente and drain. Into a pot fry some garlic and chilli if that's your taste, add a 700ml bottle of tomato cooking sauce, add 500 grams of marinara mix (from any supermarket, mine tonight had an abundance of mussels and prawns), add the pasta and cook for a few minutes until the marinara mix is cooked.

That's it, there's at least three meals in this and it microwaves up sensationally as a leftover, at about $2 to $3 per serve. If you were served this in a restaurant you'd be pretty pleased. The BEST ever, and easiest meal to cook !!!!!

[Lord Greystoke]

Put a sample in the post then, cookie.. money is on the fridge

LG

[Barny]

"There is nothing like a Crown ..... for picking it up and putting it down"

I CANNOT get this jingle out of my head !!!!!!!!!!, anyone help ?? I don't really expect a response, I think I've lost the plot .............. lol

At least I'm not clogging up the systems thread with my "look at me !!" posts

[Barny]

There's no "i" in TEAM as they say when trying to point out the obvious that a "team" is bigger than the individual, but there is ...........


.......... an "m" and an "e", which when joined together spells "me", so next time you're sitting in one of those **** meetings, just mention that to the facilitator stoopid enuff to insult your intelligence with that simplistic, de-motivating, numb nut saying. That's it from me for the day !!! lol

[Lord Greystoke]

"There is nothing like a Crown ..... for picking it up and putting it down"

I CANNOT get this jingle out of my head !!!!!!!!!!, anyone help ?? I don't really expect a response, I think I've lost the plot .............. lol

At least I'm not clogging up the systems thread with my "look at me !!" postsThere is a bit of genius in this one.. 2 bursts of roughly 7 syllables (most great advertising slogans have <=7) and 3 main bits of info means it slips into the head nice and easy. Add to this a catchy tune and it sticks for good.

Simple? yes.

Complex and clever? very

Cheers LG

PS That you in the brown cardi (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89TdudGzqmg) Barny ??

[Barny]

Geez LG, that's really funny !!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

[Lord Greystoke]

Yeah.. I thought so too. Got me watching it here several times too which is a bit of a worry.

I'm the gun on the power fork at the start. Speedy slips in at 0:13 and Bhagwan buffs up at 0:15. What a team of warehouse warriors!

Pa PUM THERE is nothing like...

LG

[Barny]

I see Mark Taylor has the phone number of John Travolta's barber ..... wot a ************ !!!

[Lord Greystoke]

Tub makes the last 2 'captains' look like muppets. Makes you realise how lucky we were to have a string of greats lead the side from Benaud to Chapells, Simpson, AB, Waugh, Tub... men of war who held their heads when it mattered, clicking over ton after ton against the old enemy.

These days we get softies who give up their wicket with the flicker of their eyebrows, spoilt brats who think of themselves before the team with dumb choices with new technology, and pretty boys who think that missing a shave through the 5 day stretch makes them tough and worthy of the title 'captain'.

Weak as p i s s in my book.

There will come another great one, however. A war horse with an iron will and in-built optimism which cannot be crushed - a genuine competitor who stands up when it counts, leading his team through the 'valley of the shadow of death' on day 5. Men of substance who can lead their teams from defeat to victory, often off their very own bat.

Someone with the initials AA, perhaps?

LG

[Barny]

LG, tubs has joined the metrosexuals, who pamper themselves in front of the mirror !!! He's a w-a-l-l-y !!!

[Lord Greystoke]

It's all those air con ads.. every time he does one they give him another card with cash on it. Must've got himself a blow wave with the last lot.

If Tub is a metro boy, Clark heads up the city chapter of the hells angels !

LG

[Barny]

The Chappell's ??? One is responsible for the greatest act of un-sportsman like conduct ever perpetrated by anyone in this country and the other was last seen running for his life from Ian Botham down the driveway at a very exclusive golf club in Victoria. Strike them off any list of sportspeople to be admired.

[Lord Greystoke]

The Chappell's ??? One is responsible for the greatest act of un-sportsman like conduct ever perpetrated by anyone in this country and the other was last seen running for his life from Ian Botham down the driveway at a very exclusive golf club in Victoria. Strike them off any list of sportspeople to be admired.Ian and Greg set the scene for many greats to come. Men of steel on the field, where it counts. One could easily debate the underarm incident for an eternity and an off pitch bust up with beefy is hardly worth mentioning in the same context as the ashes or other great battles of the past e.g. windies

LG

[Barny]

One could easily debate the underarm incident for an eternity
There's been thousands upon thousands of games of cricket over the years and hundreds of captains and no-one has come close to such a low act. I agree the Beefy incidents are harmless but it was Chappell who ran .....

[Lord Greystoke]

I'm sure there has been others... It's not likely that you or I will ever know about all instances over 100 years+ eh?

Any cricket heroes of your own, Barny?

LG

[jose]

Bodyline Barny????????????

[Lord Greystoke]

Yup, bodyline and kicking SA out of the test cricket (and rugby), thereby robbing the international game of one of it's greats; Barry Richards (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barry_Richards)

A right-handed "talent of such enormous stature".. has been described as "one of the finest talents of the 20th century" further to which "the merest suggestion that he does not belong among the definitive all-time greats will spark violence in most bars in South Africa.

They like their cricket a bit down there.

LG

[Lord Greystoke]

J**** wept!

In 1970–71, Richards scored 325 runs in a single day against WA as an overseas player for South Australia, off an attack that included Dennis Lillee (amongst others). In that season he hit 1538 runs in 10 matches at an average of 109.86.

Sir Barry, I do remember you padding up in WSC and my big brother ranting on about how good you were and how sad it was that we did not get to see the full metal jacket of your batting prowess on the world stage.

Cheers LG

[Barny]

Any cricket heroes of your own, Barny?

LGD K Lillee, Bill O'Reilly, probs one of the best cricketers going AND he went to war !!, Mary Taylor (he was great with the media when he was down, he didn't snarl, he invited them to question him), Warnie (a sick friend of mine was done a great favour by this man, he's a beaut !!) ..... Probs Warnie out of them all !!!

[Lord Greystoke]

.. not 'the hosepipe' then?

LG

[Barny]

Who's that LG ?

[Lord Greystoke]

That hose pipe would be Thommo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puu9GwiyqNM), Barny as in he sprayed 'em everywhere! Apparently he had a pretty good 'sandshoe crusha'.

Cheers LG