OZmium Sports Betting and Horse Racing Forums

Quote:

On 2004-04-11 14:53, topsy99 wrote:
one thing i like about this forum is its objectivity.

what do you call an irishman wearing a suit?

The defendant.

Thanks topsy99, love your work :wink:

On the subject of defendants (courts & judges) :grin:

It is the Olympic men's figure skating. Out comes the Russian competitor, he skates around to some classical music in a slightly dull costume, performs some excellent leaps but without any great artistic feel for the music.

The Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.9: United States 5.5: Ireland 6.0

Next comes the American competitor in a sparkling stars and stripes costume, skating to some rock and roll music. He gets the crowd clapping, but is not technically as good as the Russian. He slightly misses landing a triple Salchow and loses the center during a spin. But, artistically, it is a more satisfying performance.

The Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.5: United States 5.9: Ireland 6.0

Finally out comes the Irish competitor wearing a tatty old donkey jacket, with his skates tied over his wellies. He reaches the ice, trips straight away and bangs his nose which starts bleeding. He tries to get up, staggers a few paces then slips again. He spends his entire 'routine' getting up then falling over again. Finally he crawls off the ice a tattered and bleeding mess.

The Judges' scores read: Britain 0.0: Russia 0.0: United States 0.0: Ireland 6.0

The other 3 judges turn to the Irish judge and demand in unison, "How the hell can you give that mess 6.0?!"

To which the Irish judge replies "You've gotta remember, it's damn slippery out there." :lol:

OR

O'Flaherty was giving evidence in a road accident case:

"Who was driving at the time of the accident?" asked the judge.

O'Flaherty said, "My wife was, your Honour."

The judge said, "And where were you at the time?"

O'Flaherty said, "I was behind the wheel!"

:lol: :lol:

OR

The Judge was stern.
"O'Driscoll," he rapped, "have you ever been up before me?"

"I don't know, Judge. What time do you usually get up at?"

:lol:

OR

The judge said, "The fact that this man was on his hands and knees in the middle of the road doesn't prove that he was intoxicated."

"Agreed," said the policeman, "but he was trying to roll up the white line.

:lol:

OR

An Irishman was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area.

The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence.

"They shouldn't put up such misleading signs," said the Irishman. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE".

:lol:

"Young man," said the judge, looking sternly at the defendant. "It's alcohol and alcohol alone that's responsible for your present sorry state!"

"I'm glad to hear you say that," replied Murphy, with a sigh of relief. "Everybody else says it's all my fault!"

:lol: :lol: