Apologies to all our guests comin & goin today. Most of our regular forum contributors are still feeling a wee bit seedy, yesterday being father's day and all.

Posting the Irish guide to medical terms and meanings, so you don’t go away empty handed.

Here they are:

Anally - Occurring Yearly; Artery - The Study of Painting
Bacteria - Back Door to the Cafeteria; Barium - What Undertakers do after Treatments Fail
Bowel - Letters like A E I O U; Caesarian Section - A District of Rome
Cat Scan - Searching for Kitty; Cauterise - Make eye contact with her
Colic - A Sheep Dog; Coma - Punctuation Mark
Congenital - Friendly; D & C - Where Washington is
Diarrhoea - Journal of Daily Events; Dilate - To Live Long
Enema - not a Friend; Fester Quicker
Fibula - A Small Lie; Genital - Not Jewish
G.I. Series - Soldier Ball Game; Hangnail - Coat Hook
High Colonic - Jewish Religious Holiday; Impotent - Distinguished / Well Known
Intense Pain - Torture in a Teepee; Labour Pain - Getting Hurt at Work
Medical Staff - A Doctors Cane; Morbid - A Higher Offer
Nitrate - Cheaper than Day Rate; Node - Well aware of
Outpatient - Person who has Fainted; Pap Smear - Fatherhood Test
Pelvis - Cousin of Elvis; Post Operative -Letter Carrier
Prostate - Flat on your Back; Protein -Favouring Young People
Recovery Room - Place to do Upholstery; Rectum - Damn Nearly Killed Him
Rheumatic - Amorous; Scar - Rolled Tobacco Leaf
Secretion - Hiding Something; Seizure - Roman Emperor
Serology - Study of Knighthood; Tablet - A Small Table
Terminal Illness - Getting Sick at the Airport; Tibia - Country in North Africa
Tumour - An Extra Pair; Urine - Opposite to you're out
Varicose - Located Nearby; Vein - Conceited

:grin:

:lol:

My Doctor is Irish, I am gonna be in a lot of trouble if he uses that medical dictionary!

Two racehorses were walking across the paddock after having had a very unsuccessful day. One said to the other: "Do you know, if I continue to perform this badly, my owner will sell me for dogmeat."
The other replied: "I know, but I can't understand it. We're both from good stock, we have excellent trainers and we're as fit as any other horse in the field, so why are we always last?"
A German Shepherd dog which had been trotting alongside piped up: "I can answer that. I go to a lot of races with my owner and I've seen you both before. The trouble is, you're starting too fast and using all your energy before the first furlong. Then, when it comes to the final thrust, you've nothing left to give. My advice to you is to pace yourself; hold something in reserve then, when you're a couple of hundred yards from the finish, go for broke. All the other horses will be knackered, and you'll be nice and fresh."
The first horse looked at the other and said.....
"************ me, a talking dog."

A punter woke up on Sunday morning realising he was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday and remembered making $500 on the punt the day before , he put his hand in his pocket and only had a $5 note left.
Panicking he tried to remember what happened during the night and remembered he visited a bar.
So he went to the bar to see what happen , when he saw the bartender he asked "Was i in here last night" , "yeah" replied the barkeep "you shouted drinks for everyone all night" , "thank god i thought i squandered my money" said the punter.

Hi There Paddy,

here is one for your collection...

"The Irish Horse-Racing Association has set up a committe to vet proposed names for racehorses, to prevent rude names being given. A spokesman for the Association said: 'This is becoming an increasing
problem. Recently, it was only the quick wits of a clerk which prevented
Norfolk-And-Chance from being approved."

:lol:

_________________



BOOP - OOP - A - DOOP !

[ This Message was edited by: BettyBoop on 2002-09-04 15:35 ]

Blimey Charlie, I think I’ve started a conga line!

And begods, we have a Betty Boop in the forum! Welcome Betty, you haven’t aged a bit!

So lets keep this conga line going!!

A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two lady teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the loo it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's loo when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

The teacher looked around for assistance, but there was nobody around.

Having no choice, she went inside, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, while they pointed percy at the porcelain (so to speak).

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.

Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th."


"No, ma'am," he replied, "Actually I'm in the 4th riding Silver Arrow, good chance, oh by the way thanks for the lift."

:lol: :lol: :lol:

:lol:

Yet another gem from Paddy's Penultimate Poetry!

Good stuff Paddy , Heres another one for you.

A young Irish jockey and his stable lass girlfriend make the decision to get married. Everything is planned and the couple intend to honeymoon in Australia for a week.

The wedding goes without a hitch and the couple set off on their honeymoon.

While checking in the lady behind the desk asks "we have two suites available for you , would you like the bridal?"

"No thanks" says the jockey "i'll just hold her ears till she gets the hang of it!"

Ok Paddy, An Irish Trainer engages a top jockey to ride his horse and gives intructions: "When you come to a jump, say "Up and over!" Coming to the first fence, the jockey ignores the instruction because the horse would obviously know what to do. But it blunders through the first and second fences. So he follows instructions and shouts "Up and over!" at each succeeding fence and the horse jumps like a stag and wins the race.
Back in the enclosure, the trainer asks what happened at the first two fences? Covering up, the jockey says: "I think your horse is deaf." The trainer repies: "Oh! I didn't know that. I knew he was blind."