dont bother the dog .....
 

don't bother the dog lest he leaves you with a little reminder of what you fed him last night plus some, how they defecate more than you've fed them is one of the 7 wonders of mankind, and don't get me on to flies, they can look for all intents and purposes to be inside, and you do what you can to get rid of them only to find out they're sunning themselves with their back to the glass outside and you're left with small dirty windows as a results of using an old and dirty wettex.

Most nags run into a headwind at some time or other when they're on the up, unless they're champions like Black Caviar. You could lay a horse with a high Win S/R in Group 2 and Group 1 races and end up with a handsome profit.

I'm laughing so much, I'm crying!!! The Mrs had to pause the TV to work out what was going on, priceless......lol
RP

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Australia. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. His arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates.

Again Barny, you've got me a beauty....lol...lol

Glad you're enjoying them but I cannot take credit for the most recent one. :)

A punter's lament
 

I'ad the money in me 'and! Fair dinkum! Right there, by the stand. I tole me wife at breakfus' time, Straight out: "Trivalve," I sez "is prime. Trivalve," I sez. An', all the week, I swear ther's no one 'eard me speak Another 'orse's name. Why, look, I 'ad the oil straight from a Book On Sund'y at me cousin's place When we was torkin' of the race. "Trivalve," 'e sez. "'Is chance is grand." I 'ad the money in me 'and! Fair in me 'and I 'ad the dough! An' then a man 'as got to go -- Wot? Tough? Look, if I 'adn't met Jim Smith (I ain't forgave 'im yet) 'E takes an' grabs me be the coat. "Trivalve?" 'e sez. "Ar, turn it up! 'Ow could 'e win a flamin'Cup?" Of course, I thort 'e muster knoo. 'Im livin' near a trainer, too. Right 'ere, like that, fair in me fist I 'ad the notes! An' then I missed -- Missed like a mug fair on the knock Becos 'is maggin' done me block. "That airy goat?" 'e sez. "E's **********!" Fair knocked me back, 'e did. An' look, I 'ad the money in me 'and! Fair in me paw! An', un'erstand, Sixes at least I coulder got -- Thirty to five, an' made a pot. Today I mighter been reel rich -- Rollin' in dough! Instid o' which, 'Ere's me - Aw! Don't it beat the band? I 'AD THE MONEY IN ME 'AND! Put me clean off, that's wot 'e did ... Say, could yeh len' us 'arf a quid? "Den"
Herald, 2 November 1927


Poem by C.J Dennis

That is seriously good stuff Speedy Ben, 1927 eh, you can just smell it can't you. Bril !!!!!!!!!

It seems those Aussie poets from that era had a good understanding of the punt. Banjo P was another racing man.
The word that got rejected in the poem was "corok', if you know what I mean.

Rules for dating my daughter
 

1. Get a job
2. Understand, I don't like you
3. I'm everywhere
4. You hurt her, I hurt you
5. Be home 30 mins early
6. Get a lawyer
7. If you lie to me, I'll find you
8. She's my princess, not your conquest
9. I don't mind going back to jail
10. Whatever you do to her, I'll do to you

11. Hitting yourself over the head with a hammer would be easier(and less painful)
12. If she comes back upset, I will turn you into my DIY project
13. My middle names are Bruce and Banner


LG