An engineer died and went to Hell,and within a short time revamped the whole place.God heard about this and called Satan to see what was going on.Satan told God that everything was great in Hell,they now had elevators,flush toilets.satellite TV,and that this guy was totally amazing,and he was anxiously awaiting what he would come up with next.God became quite angry,and said that this guy had been sent to Hell by mistake,and demanded he be sent up to Heaven.Satan flatly refused."Well if you don't send him up here"said God,"I"ll sue!"."Oh yeah,"said Satan,"and where are you going to get a lawyer?".



A blonde moved into a well to do neighbourhood,and decided to look for some extra money doing odd jobs on weekends.Knocking on the door of a posh house,she was greeted by a well heeled man who asked what she wanted.Telling him she was looking for work,he said"well you could paint the porch,how much would you charge?"."50 bucks",said the blonde,to which the guy readily agreed,and gave her the paint and brushes and went back inside.His wife had overheard the conversation,and said"50 bucks,does she realise the porch goes all the way around the house?"."She should do",he said,"she was standing on it".Half an hour later the doorbell rang,it was the blonde,telling him she was finished."I had some paint left over,"she said,"so I gave it two coats."The guy was quite impressed,and paid her the 50 bucks.As she was heading for the gate,she turned and said,"oh and by the way,it's not a porch,it's a Ferrari."