.............or tales on the Punt....... starring every punter who has ever "punted".... you know the story..... done the study or heard the whisper from the owner/owner's mate/ owner's mate's second cousin twice removed's sheep dog or "eye-spied" the tip from on the TAB Win-Place card the bloke beside you in the TAB....... You put your "hard earned" on it.....

It jumps well.... is handy early..... rounding the turn the pilot is yet to go for the "Shalaylee"/Persuader.... cruises up past the front pair of nags.... "puts a gap in 'em"......steals a 3 length lead.... you look at the order.... Got 1st? ("Sewn up!!")..... and don't worry about the others cause you've got'em in the tri in any order.....

150m to go you spot a baldy-faced head appear on the side of the screen, which you don't recognise in any of the numbers in your hand full of tickets..... 100 m out this "thing" has jumped from the clouds.... and the tris has goRn..... the 1st four is goRn....... and the quinella has goRn....... the $35-1 shot looms up on the right shoulder of YOUR nag..... the messiah to get you back in front for the day/week/month/year/lifetime....... your nag draws a nose in front 50m out, but the baldy faced bandit isn't done with...... and lunges on the line.......

"Oh.... I don't know... I don't know...." bellows the race caller...... " I can't say.... I won't say.... leave it to the judge..." he teases.......but the camera angle is miss leading.... you turn around to the bloke next to you (Who you don't know from a bar of soap).... give a knowing nod and say "She's home. This angle always gives me a heart attack".... he nods knowingly back to you.....

Sky/TVN switches to Maitland dogs for a special maiden over the 385m......30 seconds goes by... no result......1minute... 2 minutes.... 3 minutes.... then over the speaker " the outside has it the numbers are..........

You don't hear the numbers as your heart has spilled out on to the floor and you are on your hands and knees trying to grab it but it's being kicked all around the place by the 300 people that have left their offices to watch the Bum F$ck West Cup.....THE END......