husband comes home with a duck under his arm, spots his wife & says
"this is the pig i was telling you about".

wife says "um, thats a duck!"

husband says "i wasnt talking to you..."

another
 

A bloke walks into a bar in the middle of australia,
He has a cockatoo on his shoulder.

Ol mate bar keeper"where did you get him,....hes a beauty"!!

Cocky replies"AAAHHHHH, i just found him wondering arround in the scrub"

The joke about the inflatable jockey reminds me of this one

The Marshal walks into the saloon and asks

'Has anybody see The Paper Bag Kid?'

'No Marshal, What's he look like?'

'He wears a paper bag shirt, paper bag breeches, and a paper bag hat and rides a paper bag horse'

'What's he wanted for Marshall?'

'RUSTLING'

Demeaning wives are OK, but don't mention blond women or the jokes will be removed [?]

Anyone know any jokes that offend absolutely nobody [not chickens either or the animal libbers will sue us]?

One for the animal libbers (tis a bit sick lol)

2 Harp seal pups walk into a club.............................................. .



Cheers

Farmers son up Tamworth way talking to his father the morning after his wedding night.

"By gees these woman are a stupid lot.She told me to get aboard.By the time I found a board the silly cow was gone "

This is not a tell a joke forum and we don't particularly enjoy spending time moderating this. We've seen what joke telling posts degenerate into elsewhere on the internet.

If you prefer we'll lock the thread.

Ok everybody, lets get back to being one dimensional punters. This [punting] is a serious business.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto arrive at the saloon. Silver is particularly hot after the long gallop so TLR asks Tonto to sprint as fast as he can in circles around the horse to cool it down, which he does.

Some 45 minutes later a Cowboy walks in and says,

"Heh, Lone Ranger, I think you left your Ingin running".

Test for Dementia





Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?


Let's find out just how clever you really are....



Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)












First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to mess up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
(scroll down)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?


You're not very good at this, are you?






Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30.
Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10. What is the total?


Scroll down for answer.....









~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.



If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
....Maybe.

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!


Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and! the purchase is
done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~






He just has to open his mouth and ask... It's really very simple.... Like you!