19 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity:


1. At Lunch Time, Sit in Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a
Hair Dryer at Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.


2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.


3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries
with that.


4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".


5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten
Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to expresso.


6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".


7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".


8. Don't use any punctuation.


9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.


10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.


11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".


12. Sing Along At The Opera.


13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?


14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds
All Day.


15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party
Because You're Not In The Mood.


16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.


17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"


18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling
"Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"


19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To
Have To Let One Of You Go."

Some enlightening instructions seen on some products:

On a TV dinner -- " First remove from box"

On a hairdryer -- “Do not use while sleeping.”

On a bag of Crisps -- “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."

On Nytol Sleeping Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."

On an Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."