I've had a long life and the only thing I miss is my mind.

Where DID the Seedless Gape come from ?


Why is it.
That The Miss Universe Competition is always won by someone from Earth.

Cheers
OM SHARNTEE

Why is it.
That The Miss Universe Competition is always won by someone from Earth.

Cheers
OM SHARNTEE[/QUOTE]Anyone who thinks that a twelve month stint armed with a waspish waistline, tight glutes and decottelage topped of with a sash and tiara are going to bring World Peace and an end to Starvation is NOT from this planet OM!
They just say they are.

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex. At all.

Who can figure them out?
They paint themselves,, squeeze out offspring the size of watermelon through a tiny tender little aperture, get holes punched through their tender flesh, lips, earlobes, noses, eyebrows,navels and even more tender lips, get stabbed millions of times with needles to paint designs on their flesh and all to look more attractive.......but let ONE tiny cute little mouse runs across their foot ......

I can't understand this huge reaction to me using the word "spew'?
She went on and on, so offended at my usage, I can't understand it, I mean, that's exactly what the lasagne tasted like?!

Of course, if there were any truth to this I would be the chap formerly known as Diogenes, now referred to as "The Deceased".

Madness is hereditary - you get it from your kids.

I really love refried beans but whenever I eat mexican food I end up sleeping alone.....makes you wonder why in Hades there are so many Mexicans,huh?

Soooo sick of those ponderers as to whether the glass is half empty or half full kinda people......slam it down, skull it, and exclaim with passion that it's empty!!!