A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. "What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied. He exclaimed: "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on." "Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known you'd never be unfaithful to me."

Three days later he was watching a football game on TV when she walked up behind him and hit him in on the head with a heavy frying pan, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for?" She replied, "Your horse just phoned you ! "